10. The Mandarin
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Here is the difference between Marvel comics in the sixties, and DC comics in the sixties. If this character had debuted at DC, his origin would be that he was a white guy who was hit by a space laser that not only turned him asian but granted him ten completely unrelated and arbitrary powers. Also, his name would probably be Chip Chop Chang, and he'd speak with that awful vaudeville chinese accent.
Instead, we have a much less racist Chinese villain with a cool gimmick that justifies his random collection of abilities and puts him on the same level as Iron Man. The Mandarin makes this list for that reason, but also because he's been a mainstay of Marvel comics for over 40 years, even appearing in a slightly skewed form in the hugely successful Iron Man film. He's part Kung Fu grandmaster, part mad scientist, all super villain.
He also once held the Unicorn as his "body slave." Poor Unicorn.
9. The Kingpin
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Many remember Kingpin as he was portrayed by Michael Clark Duncan in a little film called "Daredevil" that no one liked. I prefer to think of him as he was in "The Trial of the Incredible Hulk," as portrayed by John Rhys Davies, in which he was obsessed with television and rode around in a hovercraft. He had a VHS of some guys kicking Daredevil in the stomach that was going to make millions! MILLIONS!!!
Kingpin makes the list for being Marvel's premier crime boss for its entire modern history, even if his role has somewhat diminished recently.
8. Ultron
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Even though his most recent exploits consist of boringly trying to conquer space and getting a sex-change, Ultron remains an unstoppable whirlwind of cybernetic death who should be feared. He also once led the Masters of Evil, so if everything else wasn't enough, that proves how awesome he is. He makes this list because no one in the Marvel universe doesn't shit in his spandex at the mention of the name "Ultron."
7. The Red Skull
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6. Loki
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Loki is a classic villain in that he's been a villain for literally thousands of years. Loki inadvertently united the Avengers, thus ensuring that there would always be a whole gang of guys around ready to kick his prancing ass at every opportunity. Though he is often portrayed as effete and fey, Loki can also be quite vicious. He's had numerous children, most of whom are wolves or serpents or rulers of infernal realms of cosmic damnation.
I would also say that more of Marvel's villains have gotten their powers by accidentally hanging out around Loki than by any other method. The lesson we get from this is that if you see a guy who looks like a spokesman for Sprite running around in a pointy hat, stand close to him. Maybe even pick on him. Chances are that he will inadvertently grant you strange and wonderful powers. At the very least you will get a magic crowbar or gigantic hands.
Recently Loki turned himself into a girl, and, unlike when Ultron did it, it is actually badass because he's shown off his Machiavellian side like never before. The dude actually went back in time to his own childhood to engineer the events that led to his Godhood. Hello, time loop!
He still has the pointy hat, though, so if you're trying to find a way to getting beaten up by Thor, standing by his brother/sister here is still a viable option.
5. Galactus
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Supposedly created when Stan Lee posed to Jack Kirby the unfathomable question, "What if the Fantastic Four met God?" Galactus is honestly one of Marvel's most novel concepts. Not truly evil, nor good, Galactus is simply a force of nature with a hunger to be reckoned with. Over the years, the only things that have really deterred him from eating the Earth are a spell by Dr. Strange that forced his awareness of every death for which he had ever been responsible, and the Ultimate Nullifier, a device so powerful that it not only kills its target, but changes history so that the target NEVER EXISTED. I guess I would be fucking afraid of that, too.
4. The Skrulls
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3. The Green Goblin
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2. Magneto
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There's one thing about Magneto that makes him really impressive, though, and that is that he is seriously like 97 years old. The healing power of magnets, ladies and gentlemen. Magneto must be following the Jack Lalanne method to be as ripped as he is at his age. He was a teenager in Auschwitz, and still doesn't look a day over 40 tops. I actually thought that Ian McKellen was an awesome choice to play him in the films for this reason. Not only is Sir Ian an extremely accomplished actor who managed to strongly balance the heart of his pathos alongside his unbridled arrogance, but he actually looked believable as someone that old.
Magneto is awesome even if he is a senior citizen.
1. Doctor Doom
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No, he does not shoot lightning. No, that is not a humanitarian award on his face. Yes, he will eat a human heart with his bare hands just to impress you.
He tricked the devil himself into releasing the spirit of his dearly departed mother only to turn the whole thing into a bid for power. He scarificed the only person he ever cared about besides himself JUST TO GET A LITTLE BETTER AT MAGIC. On a scale of evil wizards, 1 being Criss Angel and 10 being Venger from the Dungeons and Dragons animated series, Dr. Doom is a 32.
Awesome list, sir!
ReplyDeleteOooooh. Really good list. I would have put Magneto as numero uno, but that's me being an X-fan.
ReplyDeleteIt was pretty close, but Dr. Doom is more committed to being a badass.
ReplyDeleteI'm so creating a villain called Chip Chop Chang and five bucks says the ensuing chaos covered on FOX news shoots the book to the top of the sales charts...
ReplyDelete